People Pleasers are Liars?

I remember the first time I heard someone say to me that “people pleasers are liars,” it hit home like a gut punch.  As someone who spent most of her life trying to keep everyone else happy (even if it meant steamrolling myself in the process), that truth hit hard. But here’s the good news: I’m a recovering people pleaser—and these days, I’m working overtime to make that recovery stick.

Let’s be honest people pleasing on the surface doesn’t sound all that bad.  People pleasers get branded as nice. Helpful. Team players. Honestly? Those are qualities I genuinely love about myself. But here’s the sticky part…

People pleasing isn’t always rooted in kindness—it’s often rooted in fear.

The problem comes into play when you say yes when you want to say no. You agree to avoid the difficult conversation or the underlying conflict.  You pretend to be ok when you are not.  You agree with something that makes your gut twist.

That’s not honesty. That’s fear disguising itself as politeness. Fear of conflict. Fear of being judged.  Fear of disappointing someone or heaven forbid someone not liking you.  People pleasing isn’t honesty.  It is self-betrayal with a smile.  And yes… that’s a problem. Especially at work.

There is a cost that comes with people pleasing that we often don’t acknowledge.  You’re overcommitting. You’re resenting people. You’re exhausted. Meanwhile, your team thinks you’re 100% on board, when really you’re like 43% in and 57% regretting your entire life.

People pleasing feels like keeping the peace, but it actually creates confusion and messes with trust.  And look—I get it. I’ve done it too. It feels safer in the moment. But if you want a career (and a life) that feels aligned, you have got to start saying what you mean.

Even if you are scared.
Even if your voice shakes.
Even if someone doesn’t like it.

That’s not selfish. That’s leadership.

So next time you feel that urge to say “Sure! No problem!” when it’s absolutely a problem? Pause. Breathe. And ask yourself: Am I being honest—or just trying to be liked?

The world doesn’t need more polished, agreeable, people-pleasing versions of you. It needs you to be the real you.

And let’s be honest- if someone is not going to be like the decisions you make with your life and your career – it sure better not be you!

If this resonates and you know someone (or some organization) that’s ready to ditch the performance and start leading with clarity, courage, and a little fire—keep me in mind. Helping people level up their life and leadership (without selling their soul) is kinda my jam.

Let’s create spaces where honesty isn’t scary—and growth doesn’t come with a side of burnout.