Being Nice Isn’t Always Being Kind.

I’ve come to a realization about myself recently: I have a really hard time dealing with people who are incredibly nice… but not particularly competent at what they’re supposed to be doing. And before you judge me, hear me out. 😂

The past few weeks… okay more like a month or so…I’ve been dealing with a situation with my car, and everyone involved has been SO nice. Friendly. Apologetic. The kind of people you’d happily sit next to at a dinner party. There was just one tiny problem. My car was still not fixed and I couldn’t see an end in sight. I now know the service advisor’s weekend plans, his dog’s name, and how his daughter did at her volleyball tournament. What I didn’t know was when am I getting my car back???

And because they’re so nice, I’ve caught myself hesitating to address the things that weren’t being handled well. I has literally drafted a firm phone call in my head, then found myself saying “No worries at all!” Which got me thinking… am I actually being kind? Or am I just being nice? Because those aren’t always the same thing.

Sometimes we convince ourselves that withholding feedback is the kind thing to do. We don’t want to hurt someone’s feelings. We don’t want to make things awkward. We don’t want to be that person. But when we don’t tell someone what they need to hear, are we really doing them any favors?

I’ve certainly had moments in my life when I wasn’t as competent as I needed to be, times when I didn’t know what I didn’t know. And I’m grateful for the people who had the courage to tell me. Because how do we get better if nobody tells us where we’re falling short?

Now, there’s a big difference between being brutally honest and being thoughtfully honest. You don’t have to be a jerk to tell the truth, and you don’t have to sacrifice your standards to be a nice person. Being nice might protect someone’s feelings in the moment. Being kind might help them grow for the future.

And here’s the part that made me a little uncomfortable. Sometimes when I tell myself I’m protecting someone else’s feelings, I might actually be protecting myself from an uncomfortable conversation.

Ouch. There’s a thought worth sitting with.

So here’s your Thought Drop for this Thursday:
Where in your life are you choosing to be nice when being kind might require a little more courage?

And perhaps just as importantly… are you willing to receive the same honest feedback you’re hesitant to give?

Because growth requires both.